Pride In My Work

Every table of people is different. Some want to be left alone and treat you like some sort of lower class hired help, some need constant attention and still treat you like lower class hired help, sometimes you're just invisible, and others want entertainment and human interaction. They'll joke with you, flirt, tell you about their lives, or, in most cases, ask about your life. You learn to form a standard story to feed to people, and interesting things happen when, due to human nature, the barrage of questions deviate from what you're used to answering.

They always start off the same, asking for your name, where you're from, what you're doing with your life. And since this one particular group of people were nice right at the beginning, I had no problem in being open with them. We talked every time I went to the table, so slowly my life story started to come out.

I told them where I'm from, what I went to school for, what I'm doing waiting tables instead of working a 'real job'. And then they got to the age-old question of "how'd you get here?"

Before I could answer, one of the men suggested: Boyfriend?

In my innocence and with a stunning lack of foresight, I quickly corrected without a second thought. Girlfriend. Meaning, of course, my female roommate that I've been friends with since college.

Suddenly the conversation changed.

"Oh, and this is such a good supportive place for you to be."

"Good for you."

"You know, we have a friend in Asheville who lives there with her partner, that's a pretty accepting community too."

And it didn't help when I mentioned that my girlfriend roommate and I are staying with her parents. They were even more excited about that, look at their waitress and her girlfriend living their lives like regular people! If they had been nice before, they were even nicer after the talk about my imaginary girlfriend, so excited about having a gay waitress, even going so far to leave a very generous tip and making sure to tell me goodbye as they left.

And that, my friends, is how I accidentally made four senior citizens think I'm gay.

Brief snippets from a day at work

Me: Hi how are you guys doing today?
Lady: I'll have iced tea.

Me: Hi how are you guys doing today?
Lady with four menus laid out on the table in front of me: There's going to be four of us, I'm waiting on some people.

Man 1: Yeah, what do you have on tap?
Me: Well, we have a lot, so the drink menu is right here, they're all listed on the last page.
Man 2, who is sitting directly across from Man 1: What beers do you have on tap?

Me: How's everything tasting?
Man: Napkins.

Me: How's everything tasting?
Lady: Can we get bread?

Man: Yeah, um, we'll order two oysters to start.
I bring two oysters on the half shell. The people at the table look confused.
Man: Oh I meant two dozen, my bad.

I work in a town known for their oysters, we get them fresh every day and, as it says on the menu, local.
Man: Are your oysters really local?

Me: Can I see your ID?
Man: *hands me his credit card*

Woman with the menu directly in front of her: What fish do you have?

Man: *stops me as I'm passing by on my way to another table* Do you have bread?
Me: Yeah.
Man: Thanks.
Um okay I guess that means I should get you some bread

Lady as I walk up to the table: Well, last time I didn't know and I almost died so I'll ask.
Me: You have questions about the menu?
Lady: Is the fish fried with shellfish?
Me: Yes, the fish is fried in the same oil as the oysters and clams.
Lady: I'm allergic to those, but I'm sure it'll be fine, can I have that please?

Lady after witnessing me carry a heavy tray full of food up a flight of stairs: Wow, do you have to bring everything up the stairs yourself?

Man: What's your favorite thing on the menu?
Me: The tuna.
Man: Is it really or are you just saying that?

Lady: I had this strawberry mojito the other day that was absolutely fantastic, do you have anything like that?
Me: No, we just have regular mojitos but I could talk to the bartender and see if we can make one for you if you want?
Lady: Oh yes, that would be so great, thank you!
So after going to the kitchen to get strawberries, explaining what I want to the bar, and getting them to make a special drink...
Lady: Oh, I don't like this at all can I get something else instead?

Child: I'd like a margarita, please.
Me: Can I see your ID?
Child: Oh, I don't have it.
Lady: I'm their mother, I promise they're 21 can't you just get them their margarita?
Me, a server who likes not being fired: No, I cannot.

Me: Hi, my name is AC.
Lady: That's a boy's name.
Me, clearly a girl: Okay.