How to be a successful Adult part 2

To be considered a functional member of society, one must be proficient in Phone Skills.

These include but are not limited to:
1. Making phone calls without excessive whining, or crying
2. Stating your needs clearly and concisely for effective communication
3. Being prompt in your calls for maximum efficiency

To be proficient in Phone Skills, one must not:
1. View the Phones as an Enemy
2. Have an existential dread of making Phone Calls
3. Feel like a rising tide of Death is swelling up to consume you the more you contemplate making a Phone Call

This is how I manage my phone call making:
1. Put off calling as long as possible (this is up for interpretation, but it usually entails waiting until the last possible second, possibly incurring penalties from a third party because I'm just too late in starting the communication process)
2. Stutter through the call, saying lots of "um"s and "could you repeat that" and "yeah sure I guess" because I'm bad at being decisive and authoritative
3. Make lots of groaning and screeching noises in between calls because I am bad at coping and everyone must know my distress

Do not follow my example.