How to be a successful adult

Alternately titled "How to not become a fugitive or hobo"

1. Acknowledge that you are poor and will remain so because you're working jobs with base pay and no marketable skills. Your rent is due, so is your insurance and loans and those thirty dollars you owe that one person.

2. Cry.

3. Try to find ways to not be poor.

4. Acknowledge that there is no way for you to not be poor unless you feel like getting into illegal activities like selling drugs or harvesting organs.

5. Cry. Some tantrum-throwing, flailing, and punching things is acceptable here. Just keep it in moderation.

6. Pick yourself up off the floor, rub some dirt in those tears and remember that you're a tough old bird who grew up in the middle of the woods with only a stick to play with. Remember that your great grandparents were dirt poor farmers who had a gazillion children to feed. Remember that your grandparents were immigrants and factory workers who pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps and worked their way through to retirement and doing whatever they want. You're gonna be goshdurned tough like them and work your way to financial security like every other person starting at square one, only you're going to do it better.

7. Free time is overrated. Look for jobs. All the jobs. Lots of jobs. Apply to many many jobs. Remember that any job is a good job to have if it means you don't have to move home or ask your parents for money.

8. Work the jobs.

9. Save the moneys.

10. Pay the bills. Buy the food. Keep saving the money.

11.  Eventually you will become successful and no longer (as) worried about financial stability because you make a decent wage, wear a tie, and have lots of money in the bank.